Who stole the parrots, and why?

SATIRE–Why is everyone stealing parrots? What the stolen parrot named “Putin” had to say about Elon Musk’s peace proposal for Ukraine

Adapted from The Trenchant Observer, October 5, 2022.¹

Was the parrot named “Putin” the target of an FSB clandestine operation to silence Putin’s critics? What was the role of Elon Musk?

Dispatches

1) Daniel Engber, “Why is everyone stealing parrots? It’s a weirdly common crime—and, commonly, a weird one,” The Atlantic, October 5, 2022 (1:09 p.m. ET).

2) Shannon Vavra and Noah Kirsch, “Diplomat Tells Elon Musk to ‘Fuck Off’ After Absurd Ukraine Tweet; Echoing the Kremlin, the Tesla founder suggested Ukraine be “neutral” in Russia’s war. A Twitter storm ensued,” Daily Beast, October 3, 2022 (3:07PM ET, updated at 4:54 p.m. ET);

Analysis

Engher reports on the serious problem of parrot theft which had not received much attention due in part to the emphasis in the news on the war in Ukraine.

He describes a recent parrot-stealing operation in Punta Gorda, Florida which was carried out in a very professional manner.

One of the stolen parrots, named “Putin”, had been trained to repeat what Andrij Melnyk, the retiring Ukrainian ambassador to Germany, had to say to Elon Musk following the announcement of the latter’s pro-Russian peace proposal.

“Putin” can now say, in English, Ukrainian, and Russian:
“Elon Musk–F… Off!”

Some people are saying that the parrots were stolen in a clandestine Russian FSB operation in order to shut “Putin” up, at a critical moment when criticism of even friends of Putin can damage the Russian war effort in Ukraine.

Car buyers now have a powerful reason not to buy a Tesla: Elon Musk appears to be shilling for Putin.

Moreover, according to news reports, after acquiring Twitter Musk plans to reopen the Twitter accounts of Donald Trump and other right-wing pundits who were banned from the platform for violating Twitter’s rules.

So, in addition to not buying a Tesla, Twitter employees and users can lead a mass exit and migration away from Twitter, leaving it to develop as a home for Trumpists and Putin apologists.

Exiting Twitter staff and users should start a competing platform, and help Musk see the value of his investment disappear.

It may take some time to get that platform up and running.

In the meantime, former Twitter users may appreciate how much of their time they were wasting on Twitter.

See “Living offline for a year; and the author’s Twitter experience,” The Trenchant Observer, March 10, 2021.

1. “Ukraine War, October 5, 2022 (II): SATIRE--Why is everyone stealing parrots? What the stolen parrot named "Putin" had to say about Elon Musk's peace proposal for Ukraine,” The Trenchant Observer, October 5, 2022.

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