Trump traces ancestry back to Neanderthal leader

SATIRE

BACKGROUND

1) Carolyn Y. Johnson,”Scientists pinpoint when humans had babies with Neanderthals; Neanderthals interbred with modern humans 47,000 years ago, passing down DNA that still exists in many modern-day people, according to two new studies,” Washington Post, December 12, 2024

Scientists have identified the point in time 47,000 years ago when Neanderthals first had babies with humans.

These Neanderthal ancestors passed down DNA that still exists in many modern-day people.

Donald Trump learned through a recent DNA test that his DNA is 98% Neanderthal in origin. Curious, he enlisted the assistance of Elon Musk and his vast financial resources to investigate his ancestry further.

What the investigators found was that Trump is a direct descendant of the Leader of the dominant Neanderthal tribe 47,000 years ago, and that Trump has an amazingly high percentage of DNA that can be traced back to that particular individual leader.

Democrats have signed up the leading authorities on Neanderthals and Neanderthal behavior to help them devise a strategy for navigating through the next four years of Trump’s presidency.

Neanderthal experts, speaking anonymously because they are afraid they might lose their jobs or be prosecuted by the new Trump administration, are of the unanimous view that Trump is determined to recreate the Neanderthal social order in the next few years. They add that his recent nominations of cabinet members and other high officials point unmistakably to the conclusion that this is indeed his intention.

Researchers not affiliated with Trump and Musk are now investigating whether MAGA and other Trump supporters have some kind of genetic defect that makes them particularly susceptible to Neanderthal appeals, and in particular to appeals by a direct descendant of the great Neanderthal Leader 47,000 years ago represented by Donald Trump today.

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James Rowles is a former Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School and professor of international law at other universities.

Recent Books by the Author

The Rape of American Democracy: Republican Actions and Democratic Failures, 2016-2021(September, 18, 2024). Available on Amazon and from IngramSpark through bookstores or by clicking on a link here.

Don’t Be Stupid. Pay Attention, Damn It! Advice for Undecided Voters and Voters Leaning Toward Trump (November 11, 2024). Available on Amazon and from IngramSpark through bookstores or by clicking on a link here.

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