SATIRE: Haitian Dogs Are Eating White People in Springfield, Ohio
BACKGROUND
See, e.g.,
1) Mick Evans“Springfield Ohio’s Haitian community ready for attention to move elsewhere,” Yahoo/News, September 23, 2024 (12:37 PM PDT);
2) Kimberly Nordyke, “John Oliver Wonders How Donald Trump’s Claims About Haitians Eating Cats Isn’t ‘Disqualifying’; The 'Last Week Tonight' host set up a clip from Trump's presidential debate with Kamala Harris by calling it an ‘exceptional moment in American oratory’,” The Hollywood Reporter, September 22, 2024 (9:21 p.m.);
3) Nardis Haile, “John Oliver shreds JD Vance for perpetuating pet-eating myth,” Salon/ (Yahoo News) September 23, 2024 (12:34 o.m.);
Haitian immigrants in Springfield, Ohio have been accused by former President Donald Trump and Republican Vice-presidential candidate J.D. Vance of stealing pet dogs and cats and eating them.
In Springfield, many Haitian immigrants have been the object of threats and abuse, which has caused the closing of schools and led to numerous bomb threats.
Many of these Haitian immigrants have dogs and cats themselves.
Haitian dogs, in response to these attacks on their owners, have launched a campaign to protect them by eating white people. While human meat is not at the top of the menu of Haitian dog cuisine, the dogs can rat human meat when they need to, and in fact many of them have found human meat tasty.
City officials are at a loss as to how to stop the Haitian dogs from eating white people. Some animal rights activists have been arguing that the dogs are acting in collective self-defense or, alternatively, in legal terms, in defense of others.
At the same time, local government resources are now being strained by nightly demonstrations in Springfield as in other cities across the nation by a new organization named “Cat ladies for Springfield Haitians”.
The controversy has divided the Springfield community with jokes going around among Trump and Vance supporters such as the following:
Q: “Do you know why masses of Haitians are headed toward Seattle?”
A: “They have heard that in Seattle it is always raining cats and dogs.”
Chaos reigns in Springfield. Federal and local officials are now consulting around the clock on how best to bring to a halt the present campaign of Haitian dogs eating white people.
James Rowles is a former Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School and professor of international law at other universities. He is the author of The Rape of American Democracy: Republican Actions and Democratic Failures, 2016-2021 (September, 2024, now available on Amazon and soon to be available from IngramSpark).
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