Putin unchained--Ukrainian burgers: Not "Eat your enemy's lunch" but rather "Eat your enemy for lunch"
SATIRE
Doctor of Juridical Science (SJD) in International Law, Harvard University
Inspired in part by Jonathan Swift, “A Modest Proposal For preventing the Children of Poor People From being a Burthen to Their Parents or Country, and For making them Beneficial to the Publick,” commonly referred to as “A Modest Proposal” (1729)
Russian President Vladimir Putin, after deciding to to expel all Ukrainians who don’t apply for a Russian passport from Russian-occupied areas of Ukraine, is obviously charting his own new course untethered from any concept of international law, the laws of war, or international human rights law.
Charting his new course, President Putin today launched his new “Eat your enemy” campaign. Russia is now processing the bodies of dead Ukrainian soldiers and selling “Ukrainian patties”, which are one-half inch thick and four inches in diameter, and marketing them as “Ukrainian burgers”. The manufacturers warrant that the meat is fresh and has been processed and packaged and kept refrigerated in accordance with all relevant Russian health regulations.
Instead of threatening the enemy with a slogan such as “I will eat your lunch”, the Russian company making the burgers has come up with the slogan, “I will will eat you for lunch.”
The company has also introduced s new line of Ukrainian burger buns under the “NATO” brand. Consumers will now be able to enjoy the delicious Ukrainian burgers on a NATO bun.
Depending on sales of the Ukrainian burgers, the company may introduce the Ukrainian Super-Burger, which will be made from dead Ukrainian civilians.
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See also “Why I care about the war in Ukraine,” Trenchant Observations, June 26, 2023.